Nada
The days between each post are becoming more numerous, and I feel like I'm becoming the average blogger--thoughts few and far between, and writing only to retain the title of, well..."blogger."
I guess there's been a lot that's happened---I had a little fall in with a deep and cold lake, experienced the joy of wheelchairs, and discovered that I could live without popcorn. (Although as a result existence is purely miserable!)
Oh--and I sang with the radio in my car (the word my being used loosely) at the top of my lungs, with absolutely no inhibition for the first time in my life. It was weird. I think I must always be too concerned with general opinion and "embarassment," because it was definately a stretch. I had to keep convincing myself that no one could hear me, no one could see me, and no one would care anyway. But still, dumb stuff like that makes me nervous or something. I have the same deal in other cases too. For example: commenting on other people's blogs. I seriously sit there for a long time, reading, re-reading, and considering what I write. I think about its conversational tone, the kind of mood it sets, what it communicates, what it could communicate, and what I want it to communicate. It's even worse when I'm trying to have a conversation with someone. The same mental processes take place, only at greater speeds and more prone to mistakes.
I guess I've always wondered--do other people do that? Do you do that? It must be good to some degree--because all that extra thinking aids my "superpower" of intuitiveness.
Grrrr! Even that! I sat there for at least 30 seconds debating whether to put quotations around the word "superpower" or "intuitiveness."
And that! Should I have written "debating WHETHER to put" or "debating IF I SHOULD put"......
I give up.
(Now, a mental pause as I read what I have written so far, shake my head, and begin revising.)
Now that I think of it... maybe I should take "randomness" lessons or set daily "random" goals. Then again...I can be pretty random. What exactly IS my problem? Do I just over analyze? Am I strictly judgemental? Am I obsessive? Do I care too much? Is it wrong to notice things like this? (These habits are not limited to only critiquing myself!) Is is wrong to be so easily irritated by the disorder of detail?
Sigh
Well I have FABA tomorrow morning and probably could use some healthy sleep. I've been a mess this week, I can't seem to remember, find, or hold on to anything. And by not remembering things, I'm not just talking about my physics calculator, or the English test, or my spanish homework--I can't even remember my own thoughts...or what happened the day before, or what mood I'm in, or what I'm supposed to be doing...
Sigh again.
Goodnight.
I guess there's been a lot that's happened---I had a little fall in with a deep and cold lake, experienced the joy of wheelchairs, and discovered that I could live without popcorn. (Although as a result existence is purely miserable!)
Oh--and I sang with the radio in my car (the word my being used loosely) at the top of my lungs, with absolutely no inhibition for the first time in my life. It was weird. I think I must always be too concerned with general opinion and "embarassment," because it was definately a stretch. I had to keep convincing myself that no one could hear me, no one could see me, and no one would care anyway. But still, dumb stuff like that makes me nervous or something. I have the same deal in other cases too. For example: commenting on other people's blogs. I seriously sit there for a long time, reading, re-reading, and considering what I write. I think about its conversational tone, the kind of mood it sets, what it communicates, what it could communicate, and what I want it to communicate. It's even worse when I'm trying to have a conversation with someone. The same mental processes take place, only at greater speeds and more prone to mistakes.
I guess I've always wondered--do other people do that? Do you do that? It must be good to some degree--because all that extra thinking aids my "superpower" of intuitiveness.
Grrrr! Even that! I sat there for at least 30 seconds debating whether to put quotations around the word "superpower" or "intuitiveness."
And that! Should I have written "debating WHETHER to put" or "debating IF I SHOULD put"......
I give up.
(Now, a mental pause as I read what I have written so far, shake my head, and begin revising.)
Now that I think of it... maybe I should take "randomness" lessons or set daily "random" goals. Then again...I can be pretty random. What exactly IS my problem? Do I just over analyze? Am I strictly judgemental? Am I obsessive? Do I care too much? Is it wrong to notice things like this? (These habits are not limited to only critiquing myself!) Is is wrong to be so easily irritated by the disorder of detail?
Sigh
Well I have FABA tomorrow morning and probably could use some healthy sleep. I've been a mess this week, I can't seem to remember, find, or hold on to anything. And by not remembering things, I'm not just talking about my physics calculator, or the English test, or my spanish homework--I can't even remember my own thoughts...or what happened the day before, or what mood I'm in, or what I'm supposed to be doing...
Sigh again.
Goodnight.
posted by Rebecca @ 8:33 PM
3 Comments:
At 1:24 PM,
MEC said…
Rebecca, though you can be a little obsessive and also implusive, your the way that God made you for a reason, and I love you the way you are.
(Being obsessive compulsive isn't bad, right?)
At 3:57 PM,
Anonymous said…
i'm going to pretend i never read those tags...
Rebeccca you are obsessive compulsice. But it's deffinately better to overthink things than be spontaneous. I just post the first thing that comes to my mind, that that's not always so good...
Rebecca you always have made fun of me for spontaneously singing on the top of my lungs wherever i am. So i am glad to hear that you are nervous to do so. I cant even count the number of times that you've shot down what little self dignity i had by mocking my efforts. but oh well, it takes all types to make a world and you wouldn't be rebecca without your sinicism...or is it cinicism(however they heck you spell that!).
Don't worry i dont hate you for it, i've just grown accustomed and maybe sing a little softer. :)
At 4:09 PM,
julio said…
wow,, that whole paragrph was all questions. isnt that a little over the top? i mean, if people start slacking off on english stuff like speling and writing then the whole world will go to pot.
kay i donno how that came across to you, but i think the way you would have responded to that is "jared, youre stupid. what do you know? you cant even spell 'spelling' correctly" and its true, what do i know. we're all stupid and if we're to critizise something like a blogpost, we're morons. so i wouldnt worry about it too much.
on the other hand, whatever youre doing to get your posts this way, youre doing a good job. i enjoy and respect your posting abillities. i just only wish i could convince such a great writter to comment on my blog a little more :(
on the third hand, you should be like me and post a 3-4 paragraph comment on everyones blog. you shouldnt re-read through it either. like me. and just keep rambling on and on,,,, and on.
well,, again, i dont know what that did. it mighta convinced you that you dont have to be word perfect to post a totally awsome comment, or it coulda taught you to be happy youre careful when you post so no one will think of you like they do me.
one more paragraph for the record,, youre not obsessive compulsive. your organised. thats your superpower too.
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